become a
LEGALLY ORDAINED
PRIEST OR PRIESTESS
OF CTHULHU
OF CTHULHU
**FREE**
The First United Church of Cthulhu is a
legally registered nonprofit religious organization. Here in Arizona
they do the separation of church and state the right way (most of the
time). People's religious beliefs and their position within those
hierarchies are not questioned by the state. Other states
unfortunately are not as open and require proof that someone is
really part of their specified religion. Priests/Priestesses outside of the U.S. will have to check with their local authorities on what is required.
This video has detailed information about the priesthood.
CERTIFICATE OF ORDINATION
Here is the link for the Certificate of Ordination for priests of the First United Church of Cthulhu. This
site wouldn't host the full resolution image so you'll have to use
the link. The certificate is formatted at 300 dpi and standard 11 x
8.5 paper size so all you have to do is download and print!
AFTER DOWNLOADING THE CERTIFICATE TO YOUR COMPUTER - Print or sign your name in the center
and put the date of your ordination in the lower left corner. If
this is to be used as evidence of your priesthood with a governing
body for the purpose of performing a wedding please use your real
name as recognized by the state under which you will be signing the
marriage license. We suggest opening the jpg in a graphics program
and using a really cool font to fill everything out.
It is unholily authorized by Proso
Khurtulu – Head Priest Khurt Khave. Sealed with his sigil in the
bottom right corner.
Ia! Ia! Cthulhu fhtagn!
LETTER OF GOOD STANDING
You are the gibbering voice, the
insanity-inducing dreaming mind blast, the writhing real world living
tentacle of Cthulhu! As the head priest and exalted avatar of
Cthulhu I ordain thee as a priest of Cthulhu. As such, you are
granted by the power of Cthulhu to physically sign your own Letter of
Good Standing. Or ordain a friend and have them sign it.
If you really need my signature as the
Head Priest it's gonna run you $30 via Paypal to bitter_venus [at] yahoo [com].
But that includes shipping and the cost of having it notarized. And I'm sorry your state sucks. You should really summon a few star-spawn and take care of that problem.
But that includes shipping and the cost of having it notarized. And I'm sorry your state sucks. You should really summon a few star-spawn and take care of that problem.
- Print up the First United Church of Cthulhu letterhead on a standard piece of paper
- Put it back in the printer, type up the Letter of Good Standing below, print it out with the church letterhead on it
- Usually requires a physical signature. Sometimes a notary must sign and stamp it. Check with your local governing authority.
Type this:
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
This is to certify that [Your Name
Here] is a member in good standing of the First United Church of
Cthulhu. [Your Name Here] was ordained on [Enter Date of Ordainment]
and we grant them the authority to perform all religious rites of the
church including the sacrament of marriage. This priest's
credentials have no expiration date.
You can add the legal registration
information for the church if the Deep One hybrid clerk doubts our
authenticity. Damn fishmen ruining religion for everybody.
The First United Church of Cthulhu is
a nonprofit religious organization legally registered with the
Arizona Corporation Commission File# 20493534. Our Character of
Affairs as listed therein is to “worship and celebrate our god
Cthulhu.”
This is a picture from the first wedding I officiated.
Here I am giving our official Cthulhic greeting, the chin tentacle salute, before the wedding.
You can see that I am holding the (un)holy tome of
You can see that I am holding the (un)holy tome of
Shub-Niggurath - The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young.
Below are sample marriage vows that you are free to use or change to suit the couple's wishes.
We also have a printed copy in our unholy book Moribund if you want to use it for the ceremony or just as a place to tuck away the wedding procedures so you're not standing there in front of the congregation with just a piece of paper.
The stars are right for matrimonial bliss!
Cthulhu fhtagn!
MARRIAGE VOWS
These are a collection of various
Lovecraftian vows which you can use when performing a marriage. Mix
and match as you deem necessary.
Yog-Sothoth knows the gate.
Yog-Sothoth is the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the key and guardian of the
gate. Past, present, future, all are one in Yog-Sothoth. And so it
is that today we are gathered here to unite [Being #1] and [Being #2]
as one. These rings are a symbol of Yog-Sothoth's congeries of
iridescent globes, his malign suggestiveness is now also their malign
suggestiveness. These rings are the key and guardian; the gate is
their future together. Let all behold them as they enter into a
world of new tomorrows, knowing that no Old Ones may break them apart
nor tread them asunder.
That is not dead which can eternal
lie, and with strange aeons even death may die.
I, [Being #1], take you [Being #2] to
be my [husband/wife/shoggoth/world destroyer/etc], to have and to
hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for
poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this
day forward until strange aeons draw us into eternity.
What do we know. . .of the world and
the universe about us? Our means of receiving impressions are
absurdly few, and our notions of surrounding objects infinitely
narrow. We see things only as we are constructed to see them, and
can gain no idea of their absolute nature. With five feeble senses
we pretend to comprehend the boundlessly complex cosmos, yet other
beings with wider, stronger, or different ranges of senses might not
only see very differently the things we see, but might see and study
whole worlds of matter, energy, and life which lie close at hand yet
can never be detected with the senses we have.
But there is a sixth sense – love.
It cannot be quantified but it can measured. Though invisible it can
be seen. Though insubstantial it can be felt. Today, their two
worlds collide creating a new, unified reality that not even strange
aeons can undo.
There is no sharp distinction betwixt
the real and the unreal; that all things appear as they do by virtue
of the delicate individual physical and mental media through which we
are made conscious of them; but the prosaic materialism on the
majority condemns as madness the flashes of super-sight which
penetrate the common veil of obvious mechanism.
In other words, for better or for
worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, until
those strange aeons in which even death may die.
Life is a hideous thing, and from the
background behind what we know of it peer daemoniacal hints of truth
which makes it sometimes a thousandfold more hideous. Yet [Being #1]
and [Being #2] have defied such astronomical odds and found that
truth in one another. And together, each makes the other's life
about 999 times less hideous.
I screamed aloud that I was not
afraid; that I never could be afraid; and others screamed with me for
solace. We swore to one another that the city was exactly the same,
and still alive. [Being #1] and [Being #2] have found solace in one
another within this realm of cosmic indifference. Today they swear
to one another their love and devotion, and to stand side by side,
taking on the chaos and madness of this uncaring sphere together
until strange aeons may part them. Together they scream aloud to the
ubiquitous caucus of preternatural providence that they shall not be
undone by any exoteric transgressions.
And like the Crawling Chaos, they have
come down through the gloaming from the stars. Now all is over, and
beyond the Arinurian streams they shall dwell blissfully in Teloe.
The most merciful thing in the world,
I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its
contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of
black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage
far. We are gathered here together to witness the communion of
[Being #1] and [Being #2] as they have chosen to journey together
through the darkest of indignations and perfunctory agency.
The oldest and strongest emotion of
mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of
the unknown. Today, [Being #1] and [Being #2] join together to face
the unknown, to fight back the fear, to voyage the black seas of
infinity as one.
The true function of phantasy is to
give the imagination a ground for limitless expansion, and to satisfy
aesthetically the sincere and burning curiosity and sense of awe
which a sensitive minority of mankind feel toward the alluring and
provocative abysses of unplumbed space and unguessed entity which
press in upon the known world from unknown infinities and in unknown
relationships of time, space, matter, force, dimensionality, and
consciousness.